Someone send the tv crews. Now. Before I get too fat.
I figure, along the lines of the smash hit "16 and Pregnant" I need my own reality show - "39 and Pregnant."
It'll be twice - in fact, 2 1/2 times - more interesting.
My body won't bounce right back.
My mom won't raise my baby while I go party.
But, on the plus side, I won't have to worry about getting back into my cheerleader outfit or passing math.
-Robyn
and my baby daddy has a job
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
woman vs. food vs. baby
Things that are good:
1. hashbrowns and toast
2. popsicles
3. White cake with white icing - this helps me to know the baby is mine and not an alien life form growing inside of me.
4. yogurt
5. Taco Bell Taco Supremes - I haven't broken down and eaten one yet, since I've been a vegetarian for uhhhhh decades! But I have been thinking about them every. Single. Day. This helps me to know the baby is actually my husband's and not an alien life form growing inside of me.
6. Baked goods. Helpful hint - pregnant women should stay away from Williams Sonoma.
7. saltine crackers
Things that are sort-of repulsive:
1. coffee
But I wouldn't dare admit this to my husband. I am powering through this one. If he figures out coffee is ehhhhhhh when I'm pregnant he will calculate what is cheaper - keeping my in a constant state of pregnancy or paying for my Starbucks. I don't want to know.
Things that are definitely repulsive:
1. salsa*
2. beans*
3. rice*
4. cous-cous*
5. tofu*
6. Indian tonic water*
7. club soda*
8. mushrooms
9. Anything lemon flavor. Lemon wedges are ok, but anything else, nope.
10. anything I can smell with my nose
11. my husband's cologne
12. brushing my teeth with minty toothpaste
13. getting on the scale
*things I thought were delicious until last week
Pregnant women become super heroines with the heightened sense of smell. I understand it is to protect the baby from toxins. C'mon! Seriously! Because I want to eat red popsicles with red dye, but I definitely don't even want to type the word broccoli.
All this warding off of the toxins makes it hard to grocery shop. Today I wandered around the grocery store where I assessed most food items as too disgusting to eat and walked out with yogurt, popsicles and a brisket. The family is going to get some interesting dinner combinations.
-Robyn
I'm going to Chili's and having Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie for dinner.
1. hashbrowns and toast
2. popsicles
3. White cake with white icing - this helps me to know the baby is mine and not an alien life form growing inside of me.
4. yogurt
5. Taco Bell Taco Supremes - I haven't broken down and eaten one yet, since I've been a vegetarian for uhhhhh decades! But I have been thinking about them every. Single. Day. This helps me to know the baby is actually my husband's and not an alien life form growing inside of me.
6. Baked goods. Helpful hint - pregnant women should stay away from Williams Sonoma.
7. saltine crackers
Things that are sort-of repulsive:
1. coffee
But I wouldn't dare admit this to my husband. I am powering through this one. If he figures out coffee is ehhhhhhh when I'm pregnant he will calculate what is cheaper - keeping my in a constant state of pregnancy or paying for my Starbucks. I don't want to know.
Things that are definitely repulsive:
1. salsa*
2. beans*
3. rice*
4. cous-cous*
5. tofu*
6. Indian tonic water*
7. club soda*
8. mushrooms
9. Anything lemon flavor. Lemon wedges are ok, but anything else, nope.
10. anything I can smell with my nose
11. my husband's cologne
12. brushing my teeth with minty toothpaste
13. getting on the scale
*things I thought were delicious until last week
Pregnant women become super heroines with the heightened sense of smell. I understand it is to protect the baby from toxins. C'mon! Seriously! Because I want to eat red popsicles with red dye, but I definitely don't even want to type the word broccoli.
All this warding off of the toxins makes it hard to grocery shop. Today I wandered around the grocery store where I assessed most food items as too disgusting to eat and walked out with yogurt, popsicles and a brisket. The family is going to get some interesting dinner combinations.
-Robyn
I'm going to Chili's and having Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie for dinner.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
survival of the fattest
We've surpassed a milestone.
We survived Europe.
We'll always have Paris! Sheez. The City of Light nearly did me in. The first day we were there we started at 3 a.m. and stayed out til after the Eiffel Tower light show at 11 p.m.
And I ate nothing that day but cheese and bread. I tried to be healthy and get a salad, but the waiter never brought it.
I apologized profusely to Bebe. I promised Bebe that once we made it home, I'd sit on the couch and do nothing.
I did have my first doctor's appointment. While the rest of my family lost weight in Europe from our daily 18 hour jogs, I neither gained or lost a pound.
But mysteriously, I came home to jeans that won't quite zip. Actually, I can get them zipped but it is not attractive or comfortable and probably constitutes child abuse.
The doctor told me Bebe is 5.1 mm and about the size of a grain of rice. A grain of rice? What the heck? Then how come my pants don't fit? Apparently that is due to my uterus doubling in size (gross) and the massive amount of progesterone in my body. Beware.
Bebe is cute. He's swimming next to his amniotic sac which looks like a bubble.
I'm so glad Bubble Boy survived our amazing race of a va-ca.
-Robyn
I'm going to go eat now. And sit on the couch.
We survived Europe.
We'll always have Paris! Sheez. The City of Light nearly did me in. The first day we were there we started at 3 a.m. and stayed out til after the Eiffel Tower light show at 11 p.m.
And I ate nothing that day but cheese and bread. I tried to be healthy and get a salad, but the waiter never brought it.
I apologized profusely to Bebe. I promised Bebe that once we made it home, I'd sit on the couch and do nothing.
I did have my first doctor's appointment. While the rest of my family lost weight in Europe from our daily 18 hour jogs, I neither gained or lost a pound.
But mysteriously, I came home to jeans that won't quite zip. Actually, I can get them zipped but it is not attractive or comfortable and probably constitutes child abuse.
The doctor told me Bebe is 5.1 mm and about the size of a grain of rice. A grain of rice? What the heck? Then how come my pants don't fit? Apparently that is due to my uterus doubling in size (gross) and the massive amount of progesterone in my body. Beware.
Bebe is cute. He's swimming next to his amniotic sac which looks like a bubble.
I'm so glad Bubble Boy survived our amazing race of a va-ca.
-Robyn
I'm going to go eat now. And sit on the couch.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Robyn's first featured baby product.
I've noticed out there in this magical universe called the internet, some people want to sing the praises of this or that baby product.
That's fantastic. But I am not going to do that.
I will provide a service to the public, showcasing products I think are absolutely stupid. Products I believe are solely designed in order to waste money and/or make mommies feel bad about themselves.
I will begin by showcasing Picky Sticky. These are stickers you buy in order to stick on a onesie to take a picture of your baby at one month, two months, etc. You just stick, and click. All for about $17, including shipping:
http://www.pickysticky.com/product-watch-me-grow-missy-fissy.php
The first time I saw these I had an instant pang of guilt. Why didn't they have these when I had my son Nate? I did not document every month of his first year. I am a horrible mother.
I knew of the cult phenomenon of these thingies. But I had no idea what they were called. Doesn't that instantly make something more desirable? After some futile searching, I finally googled something like whatarethosethingspeoplestickontheirbabiestotaketheirpictureseverymonth. I'm so glad that I learned what they were called before I had to have some conversation about them which would have involved me not knowing what they were called and looking stupid.
I thought you just do it for a year, but after reviewing their website, I realized you can do things like a year and a quarter. A year and a half. It never stops. It is never enough. I will never be good enough.
I bet it doesn't end with the pictures. The next logical step is you probably have to purchase some sort of collage frame (one of my biggest nightmares), print off all the monthly pictures you just sticked and clicked (stuck and cluck?). God forbid you forgot a month or your baby's collage frame will have a sad little empty circle.
But a new baby is coming! I have a second chance. I can do things right this time, and be a good mommy.
Nope. I will not do it. I may, however, at random times, stick a super sticky post-it note on my baby, noting the random age/date. Or whatever I want to write. Who doesn't love post-it notes? I realize post-it notes are not free, but I already have them, so this would be at no additional cost to my family. Once the baby can hold a crayon, he is responsible for fashioning his own post-its.
At worldvision.org, I learned I could sponsor a child for $35, about two sets of Picky Sticky's.
If I happen to receive a set of Icky Stickies, I will return them and use the money to send to a starving child. I could at least sponsor one child for half a month, or half a child for one month. Or perhaps I will send the Picky Sticky's (and a camera) to some mom in Africa who would never have this opportunity. I know she doesn't have rice or formula, but I don't want her to feel like a bad mommy too.
-Robyn
us sisters got to stick together
That's fantastic. But I am not going to do that.
I will provide a service to the public, showcasing products I think are absolutely stupid. Products I believe are solely designed in order to waste money and/or make mommies feel bad about themselves.
I will begin by showcasing Picky Sticky. These are stickers you buy in order to stick on a onesie to take a picture of your baby at one month, two months, etc. You just stick, and click. All for about $17, including shipping:
http://www.pickysticky.com/product-watch-me-grow-missy-fissy.php
The first time I saw these I had an instant pang of guilt. Why didn't they have these when I had my son Nate? I did not document every month of his first year. I am a horrible mother.
I knew of the cult phenomenon of these thingies. But I had no idea what they were called. Doesn't that instantly make something more desirable? After some futile searching, I finally googled something like whatarethosethingspeoplestickontheirbabiestotaketheirpictureseverymonth. I'm so glad that I learned what they were called before I had to have some conversation about them which would have involved me not knowing what they were called and looking stupid.
I thought you just do it for a year, but after reviewing their website, I realized you can do things like a year and a quarter. A year and a half. It never stops. It is never enough. I will never be good enough.
I bet it doesn't end with the pictures. The next logical step is you probably have to purchase some sort of collage frame (one of my biggest nightmares), print off all the monthly pictures you just sticked and clicked (stuck and cluck?). God forbid you forgot a month or your baby's collage frame will have a sad little empty circle.
But a new baby is coming! I have a second chance. I can do things right this time, and be a good mommy.
Nope. I will not do it. I may, however, at random times, stick a super sticky post-it note on my baby, noting the random age/date. Or whatever I want to write. Who doesn't love post-it notes? I realize post-it notes are not free, but I already have them, so this would be at no additional cost to my family. Once the baby can hold a crayon, he is responsible for fashioning his own post-its.
At worldvision.org, I learned I could sponsor a child for $35, about two sets of Picky Sticky's.
If I happen to receive a set of Icky Stickies, I will return them and use the money to send to a starving child. I could at least sponsor one child for half a month, or half a child for one month. Or perhaps I will send the Picky Sticky's (and a camera) to some mom in Africa who would never have this opportunity. I know she doesn't have rice or formula, but I don't want her to feel like a bad mommy too.
-Robyn
us sisters got to stick together
ancient Chinese secret
I'm having a boy. I'm just barely pregnant, and I haven't even been to the doctor, but I don't need to wait for an ultrasound.
I consulted the Chinese Lunar Calendar. It says "it" is a boy.
You can't argue with something that's over 700 years old.
-Robyn
Do you want in on this action? I'll take your money.
I consulted the Chinese Lunar Calendar. It says "it" is a boy.
You can't argue with something that's over 700 years old.
-Robyn
Do you want in on this action? I'll take your money.
Friday, August 6, 2010
poor baby
I'm pregnant and in a foreign country.
I tried to tell him (baby daddy) this would happen. That I would get pregnant right away and I'd spend the whole trip pregnant, and he'd spend the whole trip trying to make me wake up early and run places. Things not conducive to one another. But noooooooo, he wouldn't listen. Throw caution - and birth control - to the wind!
I'm ready to go home and see my doctor. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to make sure that everything's ok. I keep worrying about every little thing. Today I was actually worried because I don't have morning sickness.
The thing I should be worried about the most? That everything is absolutely 100% ok and me, the 39 year old who got pregnant on purpose even though she has a teenager getting ready to start high school, is actually bringing an innocent little baby into this family.
Because that is the scariest thing of all.
-Robyn
falling into the 12% of women who don't get morning sickness
I tried to tell him (baby daddy) this would happen. That I would get pregnant right away and I'd spend the whole trip pregnant, and he'd spend the whole trip trying to make me wake up early and run places. Things not conducive to one another. But noooooooo, he wouldn't listen. Throw caution - and birth control - to the wind!
I'm ready to go home and see my doctor. I want to hear the heartbeat. I want to make sure that everything's ok. I keep worrying about every little thing. Today I was actually worried because I don't have morning sickness.
The thing I should be worried about the most? That everything is absolutely 100% ok and me, the 39 year old who got pregnant on purpose even though she has a teenager getting ready to start high school, is actually bringing an innocent little baby into this family.
Because that is the scariest thing of all.
-Robyn
falling into the 12% of women who don't get morning sickness
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Take that, Clearblue Easy!
Seeing is believing.
I told the Pastor I was pregnant and he was in a state of shock and disbelief.
Why had I taken the test without him? He wanted in on the fun. Besides, he asked, are you really sure?
Well, yes. There was the test. And the sore boobs. The definite opinions about eating. The hormones. Missing my, uh, something that's kind of a big indicator of pregnancy. Walking all over England, Wales and Scotland - and usually being forced to run to catch a train - and not losing a single pound.
Since it had been more than a week, the results on the test I had taken had faded. "Can you take another one?" Sure. Why not? They came in a multi-pack. What else am I going to do with them? Besides, taking a pregnancy test is just fun, at least I think so.
I took another test. I didn't even have to wait the two minutes for results. The plus sign showed up right away. That's how many pregnancy hormones I have. Beware.
-Robyn
positively positive
I told the Pastor I was pregnant and he was in a state of shock and disbelief.
Why had I taken the test without him? He wanted in on the fun. Besides, he asked, are you really sure?
Well, yes. There was the test. And the sore boobs. The definite opinions about eating. The hormones. Missing my, uh, something that's kind of a big indicator of pregnancy. Walking all over England, Wales and Scotland - and usually being forced to run to catch a train - and not losing a single pound.
Since it had been more than a week, the results on the test I had taken had faded. "Can you take another one?" Sure. Why not? They came in a multi-pack. What else am I going to do with them? Besides, taking a pregnancy test is just fun, at least I think so.
I took another test. I didn't even have to wait the two minutes for results. The plus sign showed up right away. That's how many pregnancy hormones I have. Beware.
-Robyn
positively positive
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)